A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
