so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
