lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
