Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
