He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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