my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
