the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
