Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
