So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
