Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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