nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
