this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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