his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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