the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
3pm strippers are depressing
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
