he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
