Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
