gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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