Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
