my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize