I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
