Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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