youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
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He had one of those small greek statue penises
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
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I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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