She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
