I wish life had little blips of pornography
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
