So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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