This is not my ceiling
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
