I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
