I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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