Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
