what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
