just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
