mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
