I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
