if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
