thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
