Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
