erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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