some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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