everyone is single if you try hard enough
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
