I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
