I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
