Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
