i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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