if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
