So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
