Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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