Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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