Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
