what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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