I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have aggressive nipples.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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