If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
