Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
