i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
