If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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