2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
