RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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