Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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