I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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