It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
