dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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