...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
