doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
