Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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