It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
