my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
