you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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