I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
