I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
