I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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