Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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