dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
