I feel like abortions should bother me more
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
