Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
