oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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