i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
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also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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